9/27/14

•September 27, 2014 • Leave a Comment

You see, I wanted to adore you,
I wished for nothing more than the feeling of your bared soul pressed tight against mine,
your flesh, mistaken for a masterpiece,
and your heart, mistaken for my home,
but you don’t know me,
and you’re better off that way,
That little bit of glitter that dances behind your iris,
the way you seek to fan the flames that make you feel alive,
and the way I’d snuff them out,
the way you would grow to hate me,
and all of the ways that it’s not my fault,
you’ll have to lose a part of yourself,
I’ll take something beautiful away from you,
and I’m so sorry for doing so,
a leg perhaps, so you can’t run away,
or an arm to leave you unprotected,
maybe your eyes so you can’t see the truth of me,
or your voice so you can’t make this end,
I’ll leave you be,
let you live,
watch you smile and let you give, you’re better like this
you’ll go so far
because a black hole never knew how to love a star

•June 29, 2014 • 1 Comment

If the world could just stop spinning
and if a heart could halt it’s beating
maybe the rest of me could stop hurting
just long enough to catch a breath
to allow enough time to bolster the levees that have become eyes
to stop the floods
if it could all just disappear
everything I’ve come to know
this cage that doesn’t let me grow
this jailing of the soul
and the wailing of the blood
memories are razors gliding in the wind
so many slashes to pool with gasoline
To watch me burn
To stand downwind
to know the pain and see the flames of the end of this catastrophe
and the birth of a void
the kind of dark you hear of in legends
that makes life rot in the corners where you dare not peer
my home
my keeper

Little Red Men

•June 3, 2014 • Leave a Comment

There’s a war goin’ on inside my head
And the little rebel devils always seem to steal the day
Yeah, they’re puttin’ me down and tellin’ me that I’m a fool
Yeah, the little rebel devils always seem to get their way

You see, these little naysayers are the best of game players
And they leave you very little of yourself for you to use
And the little men in red dig deep inside your head
And let you know that you were born to lose

They’re a fearless breed, don’t care what you need
Little rebel devil just wants to hold you back
If they don’t get their way with the games they play
They bring on that panic attack

Now, I’m tryin’ real hard to see the magic of the sun
And I’m lookin’ for a reason to be someone’s someone
But the little rebel devils always seem to get their way
And the little rebel devils just stole another day

•May 18, 2014 • 5 Comments

I’m trying so hard to open my eyes and see in a different light
And I’m trying so hard to make it through the night and fight for my life but I don’t know what is right
I’ve felt love before and it burns inside but it can’t come out when all I do is hide
And I feel so far away
Drove so far that I can’t find home,
Where the heart is
Where my heart could speak in tongues made for your ears only
Where my heart has reasons for beating
Where the man I’m not meets the one I become
And the dark is taken by your sun
But if home is where the heart is,
Then I’m homeless
And if home is where the heart is
Then I know why I’m so heartless.

Unreal

•January 18, 2014 • 1 Comment

You know, I wrote you a poem once,
Well, that’s not entirely true, I wrote you a shitload of poems,
I don’t know if you ever read them but id like to think that if you did they would have sunk their teeth into you like a viper,
Pumping you full of venom and love, leaving you just delirious enough to say…
Maybe
But you never said that, and I never really asked,
By the time the moment had come into being I already knew it had already passed,
It wasn’t meant to be because it wasn’t meant to last,
But I’m still hanging here, what if-ing my fucking brains out,
Nothing to offer except a mess to clean up,
I do clean up nice, you know…
But you’re not a maid, my mother, a nurse, or a teacher,
You’re not even real,
You’re everything I needed you to be to remind me that I can feel,
And that shit hurt…
I didn’t appreciate the way you didn’t fall all over me after I didn’t ask you to and didn’t tell you that that’s what I did,
And I don’t like the way you don’t know any of the things I don’t think or feel because I don’t have the strength for it,
But I guess that isn’t really your fault,
After all, you aren’t even real,
So then why did I just write you another poem?

Like a Madman

•January 18, 2014 • Leave a Comment

So here I am…
Again.
Another Saturday afternoon wishing to greet me from behind a closed door…that will never open.
A whole world waiting on the outside looking in on me like a mother sees her sleeping child,
With love,  with care,
And as always I find myself completely unaware of the way I waste these days away.
Too lost in my own head,
Knowing that there are pieces of gold being torn up from the bedrock of my mind
being hurled with abandon through every corner of me
And I can’t grab em…
But I want to…
And I’d give anything to be able to slow things down for just a few seconds but I can’t and everything just keeps moving faster and faster and I can’t seem to stop it,  it’s like an out of control merry go round with demon horses galloping fast as fire putting hoof prints on my heart and leaving bruises in their wake,  and my eyes break under their weight and give way to tears that give way to fears that have owned my ass for most of my years and I just can’t…
Move…
I can’t step out of the way of these things,
So they hit me,
And they leave marks,
Like the bags under my eyes and the lines of my face,
Like the few white hairs that seem so out of place,
And I seem like a madman,
But I’m not a mad man,
I’m just lost.

Paint the Town Red

•January 18, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I wanna paint this quaint little Podunk place red,
With a .45 Slug and the contents of my head,
Just go with the flow down the gutters we know,
Where the oil and blood can dance,
I must be so special if you all want to own me,
Control me,  patrol me and all my wants,  all my haunts,  never let me breathe,
My favorite fiction will always be freedom,
All of this frustration is another form of castration and these stupid words are no more than mental masturbation,
So let’s make some mistakes we can’t take back,
Let’s go to far and slip through the cracks,
Maybe we’ll see the sun again,
Maybe we’ll find a friend,
But for right now, all I want,
Is to paint the town red.

 
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