Unreal

•January 18, 2014 • Leave a Comment

You know, I wrote you a poem once,
Well, that’s not entirely true, I wrote you a shitload of poems,
I don’t know if you ever read them but id like to think that if you did they would have sunk their teeth into you like a viper,
Pumping you full of venom and love, leaving you just delirious enough to say…
Maybe
But you never said that, and I never really asked,
By the time the moment had come into being I already knew it had already passed,
It wasn’t meant to be because it wasn’t meant to last,
But I’m still hanging here, what if-ing my fucking brains out,
Nothing to offer except a mess to clean up,
I do clean up nice, you know…
But you’re not a maid, my mother, a nurse, or a teacher,
You’re not even real,
You’re everything I needed you to be to remind me that I can feel,
And that shit hurt…
I didn’t appreciate the way you didn’t fall all over me after I didn’t ask you to and didn’t tell you that that’s what I did,
And I don’t like the way you don’t know any of the things I don’t think or feel because I don’t have the strength for it,
But I guess that isn’t really your fault,
After all, you aren’t even real,
So then why did I just write you another poem?

Like a Madman

•January 18, 2014 • Leave a Comment

So here I am…
Again.
Another Saturday afternoon wishing to greet me from behind a closed door…that will never open.
A whole world waiting on the outside looking in on me like a mother sees her sleeping child,
With love,  with care,
And as always I find myself completely unaware of the way I waste these days away.
Too lost in my own head,
Knowing that there are pieces of gold being torn up from the bedrock of my mind
being hurled with abandon through every corner of me
And I can’t grab em…
But I want to…
And I’d give anything to be able to slow things down for just a few seconds but I can’t and everything just keeps moving faster and faster and I can’t seem to stop it,  it’s like an out of control merry go round with demon horses galloping fast as fire putting hoof prints on my heart and leaving bruises in their wake,  and my eyes break under their weight and give way to tears that give way to fears that have owned my ass for most of my years and I just can’t…
Move…
I can’t step out of the way of these things,
So they hit me,
And they leave marks,
Like the bags under my eyes and the lines of my face,
Like the few white hairs that seem so out of place,
And I seem like a madman,
But I’m not a mad man,
I’m just lost.

Paint the Town Red

•January 18, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I wanna paint this quaint little Podunk place red,
With a .45 Slug and the contents of my head,
Just go with the flow down the gutters we know,
Where the oil and blood can dance,
I must be so special if you all want to own me,
Control me,  patrol me and all my wants,  all my haunts,  never let me breathe,
My favorite fiction will always be freedom,
All of this frustration is another form of castration and these stupid words are no more than mental masturbation,
So let’s make some mistakes we can’t take back,
Let’s go to far and slip through the cracks,
Maybe we’ll see the sun again,
Maybe we’ll find a friend,
But for right now, all I want,
Is to paint the town red.

Heavy Feathers

•January 18, 2014 • 1 Comment

A feather…
That’s all it took…
The weight of one single feather was enough to topple a broken kingdom and bring me to my knees,
Never would I expect such a thing,
That one single plutonium soaked plume plummeted from the sky and poisoned my peace going nuclear into the night, vaporizing all in its wake and burning my life into the sidewalk like a shadow,
A feather…
That quill which all too quickly quieted the quarrels in your mind and made you smile,
Made you forget,
Made you remember,
A fucking feather,
Now look,  I’d be cool with my life being struck down in a great many ways…car crash,  drowning,  gunshot,  stabbed,  bludgeoning by prosthesis,  aneurysm,  a freak accident with a lawnmower,  poisoning (intentional or otherwise),  parasites,  disease,
But a feather?
Peace…and wisdom…that’s what did this in,
And now…
I fucking hate birds.

Curves

•January 2, 2014 • 1 Comment

Well…I’m fuckin sorry,
For all my wrongs that I regret and the heartache I haven’t caused just yet,
But I fail to see the point in trying,
When it’s feeling like I’m postponing my dying,
And the last teardrops fall because the well has run dry,
And I’m all out,
And I’m out of reasons,
Out of excuses and good intentions,
And so much bullshit,  too much to mention,
I’m just all out,
And I’m out…alone,
Forged myself a whole damn city,
But no one else lives in a place built on shame,  lies,  and pity,
Just me,  party for one,
Skyscrapers so high I can’t see the sun,
But I’m afraid of the dark now,
I’m afraid of myself,
I’m a one man wrecking crew that’s just getting warmed up when you say you’re through and even though I’ve been destroyed,
I still have walls,
If only they could talk,
But the streetlights have burned out in the alleyways of my heart,
And I’m walkin’ by myself in the cold, cold night,
Double yellow, straight and narrow all I got in this here wheelbarrow,
But there’s some curves up ahead,
Lots of curves up ahead.

Long Division

•October 30, 2013 • Leave a Comment

I am two steps away from taking three steps back,
An overbearing underachiever who is under the microscope and oh so over it,
Completely lost in finding myself and right in the center of being left by the wayside,
With a bad habit of good intentions and a strange way of seeming normal,
I’m laughing at being so angry but ever content with my unhappiness,

One divided by two equals one…

I’m the perfect picture of everything that’s wrong,
Feeling low is the high point of the day,
Minding my p’s and q’s while catching some z’s and remembering the things I forgot,
Running away with nowhere to go,  because the finish line is only the beginning,

One divided by two equals one…

I’m gonna go crazy acting this sane,
Head wrapped tight around everything and keeping it all straight,
When it comes to feeling up,  I’m down,  but when it’s time to feel down,  I’m up,
Waiting at the same time as everyone else to take my turn,
Waiting for the good things to go oh so bad,
My smile is just a flipped over frown and I’m treading water while I drown and go down,

One divided by two is me.

Burn

•October 18, 2013 • 1 Comment

Intertwining with the dying reds,

Sunshine offers a warm glow of the end,
I wish I could watch it drown in flame,
Just wanna watch it all burn away,

Masks drift slow across an ocean above,
The gentle roar of a concrete snake eats the sound of life,

Sunshine offers a warm glow of the end,
Just want to watch it burn,

Blankets will fall and kill it all for me,
Wash away the last signs of life,
Like the blood in the trees,

Just wanna watch it all drown in flame,
Just wanna watch it all burn away

 
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